Once upon a time in a land far far away,
in a town tucked away in beautiful hills,
was a training school for ninja assassins,
and each had a hundred thousand kills.
The top student was girl called Princess,
from the hidden island of Long.
She honed her skills to extreme finesse,
anyone to challenge her would be so wrong.
Getting drunk on the tears of her victims,
she finally became a contract assassin.
She was the most badass in a town of evil,
driving her sleek lambo with seat-belt fastened.
She could conduct a riot beautifully if paid enough,
also could handle undercover kills like a surgeon,
she drank like hell and could keep her liquor down,
and oh yes, she was definitely not a virgin.
She kept at her job, the cash was pouring,
reaching the pinnacle of wealth and fame,
then one day to her secret hideout himself,
the Lord of the Land, High King came.
“Dear lady of great renown, I have come with a plea
don’t let me down. It would be my honour,
if you could rescue my prince from the dragon’s tower,
’cause if you don’t, he’s surely a goner.”
Princess cracked her knuckles, said to her sidekick,
“Prepare my daggers, serrated swords and Win Mags.
Try and pack lightly, we fly to the palace at sunset,
the airport will have problems with overloaded bags.”
Now we skip to the part where our dear Princess,
is standing before the tower of the dragon.
If you’re wondering, she drove down from the
airport, in a sleek, fast, red Volkswagen.
She went in at once and saw the giant ass beast,
lying on a pile of his victims, all dead.
“I’ve had more kills in a week”, she thought,
when the dragon noticed her and turned his head.
In a booming voice which echoed of the walls,
the dragon said “I know the king has sent you.
to battle me to death, blah blah blah, all that shit
but please let me first have my say too.
I am prisoner here, as is the prince, both kept
safely here for a long time by the old king.
He says it’s some sort of a test for young guy’s ‘suitor’
I mean, what the fuck is the old guy thinking?
If you would be so kind dear maiden, to slash the chains,
I have a wife and three children waiting in Seattle.”
So Princess picked up her Win Mag, and shot the chain,
blew it to bits, glad there was no needless battle.
She saw the prince sitting sadly at the top of the tower,
she used the elevator to reach the small room.
She had the instant hots for the guy standing there,
the Harley of her heart went “Vroom, Vroom.”
The handsome prince saw the look in her eyes,
and told her “Dad did this ’cause I’m gay.”
“Oh, okay”, Princess said “Let’s both kill him.”
so they picked up the guns and went their way.
They murdered the king, for locking up his son,
it was quite a disgusting, unsightly end.
And so Princess and the prince lived happily
ever after as the best of friends.
So children, unlike what you learn from,
most fairy tales you’ve heard till today,
girls can be badass without a “Prince Charming”
dragons can have families, people can be gay.