Ladies, gentlemen and my dear friends,
I used to love products with a decent brand.
Durability, purity and quality assured,
I thought these things mattered,
but that was before I was introduced to
Pushpanjali Products.

Pushpanjali has a range of offerings,
from noodles to biscuits, from shampoos to beauty creams.
We believe in Indian originality,
and are going to emphasise on our nationality,
so that it sets your patriotic hormones aflutter.

All edible Pushpanjali Products are derived from
purely organic sources, with no additives.
We even have an “Energy Bar” which tastes like
depression and slow death with a dash of
the tears of children who have to use this
to be weaned off chocolates.
We assure you that you will forget how a chocolate tastes.

Cleanliness is godliness, and keeping the house clean
is a necessity, especially in today’s age of pollution.
We have that area covered with the “Cownyle”
our own version of the disgusting chemical phenyl.
It is derived from the organic source of a cow.
A cow is the holiest of all creatures,
so we decided to add its urine to this concoction,
which is supposed to clean your house.
Why stop there? The cow has many more body fluids,
so added are cow estrogen, mucus, saliva, amniotic fluid,
stomach enzymes and a slight addition of blood.

Pushpanjali has also decided to expand its line of products,
to keep pace with the digital age.
Our video playing software automatically censors
any explicit language or scene,
be it violent, sexual or even slightly unsettling.

Our company also endorses fitness courses.
Other such courses may claim to solve blood pressure,
obesity and such diseases.
However, our set of courses can solve,
the disease that has polluted the minds of all youngsters
Homosexuality.
And why stop there? We can even solve
leukemia, AIDS, Gender Dysphoria, Schizophrenia
and much more.

Pushpanjali “Bank” is proud to have
helped people in times of need,
during the phase of ‘demonetization’.
We provided special loans to all those who needed
cash to pay dowry, so that the state of the nation,
may not affect their culture.

Pushpanjali Condoms,
our latest innovation.
With so many women losing their virginity,
to disgusting ‘boyfriends’ before marriage,
we decided to take up their cause.
If the man wears these in the bedroom,
the woman will not lose her virginity.

Finally, Pushpanjali Recreational Drugs,
Pushpanjali Marijuana,
gets you high to the heavens, so you feel close to god.
Pushpanjali LSD,
ensures that all your hallucinations are “sanskaari”.
Pushpanjai Heroin,
available in the form of incense sticks.

Pushpanjali Products,
forever exploiting tradition to our advantage.

 

The piece written is for comedic purposes only. It is a parody of a certain line of products and certain comments made by someone. The comments are not meant to hurt, offend or defile the image of any group or person. The poem is sarcastic. Get a sense of humour guys.

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