I am a man.
I am biologically male and identify as a man.
So let us begin.
I am male, so I must have limited things to talk about,
sports, breasts, porn and politics.
I like beer. It is not possible
that a man finds such a manly drink repulsive.
I’m a man, so in the future I must marry a woman,
I must love women, I must be physically intimate (have sex)
with women. If I even hug another man for too long,
that is against the unwritten constitution of manliness.
I must earn more than my wife,
and have an ego about it.
I must be up to date on every sporting event,
and it is not possible that I don’t like watching sports.
I’m a man, and if I ever respect a woman,
that is a huge question mark on my manhood.
I must crack the most explicitly offensive, racist,
sexist jokes with my friends, and I dare not say a word against them.
I also have no feelings by the way,
besides anger and resentment.
Action must be the only genre of movies I enjoy.
If I support women’s rights,
or worse, call myself feminist,
I am either “impotent” or homosexual.
Speaking of potency, I must also be obsessed with the size,
girth and length of my penis.
I should always wish it were longer.
I cannot talk about my feelings, cannot shed a tear,
must always put physical strength first,
because I am and always will be,
I am a man.